Think of a time when you had a family gathering and you asked your kids to go and say salam to other aunties and uncles, or you were all sat around a table and your kid was asked a question, or think about how they act when there is a conversation with other adults?
If your kids are anything like mine, there will be many times where they awkwardly (if at all) offer salam, answer in a 'yes' or 'no answer, or stay completely quiet throughout the adult conversation and not attempt to share their thoughts or join the conversation.
Social skills is part of what Daniel Goleman calls 'Emotional Intelligence' and is a skill that needs to be nurtured and developed in our kids. Goleman actually argues that social and emotional learning can help kids become better at self awareness, self management, empathy and social skills. In a study of 270,000 students found SEL lowers antisocial problems like fights and bullying by 10%, increases prosocial attitudes–such as liking school–by 10%, and boosts academic achievement scores by 11%.
On the other hand, Goleman gives an example of a boy called Cecil who lacked even the basic social skills and who was not able to have even a basic conversation with his peers. He felt that anything that he would say would not be of interest to anyone and was not able to interpret other people's emotions.
Goleman explains that Cecil's problems are a result of a failure to learn in childhood the basic elements of social interaction. These basic elements include the following:
1. To speak directly to others when spoken to. Pay special attention to this one because often as parents we tend to respond for our kids. When someone asks your child a question, give them the time to respond and resist the urge to answer for them.
2. Teach them to initiate social contact and not always wait for others to take the lead. Think of the many times they hung back when they saw a group of kids playing and felt that they couldn’t be part of the group and didn’t make the effort to join in. The feeling of being afraid to join is natural because we all fear rejection. However if we don’t try and make an effort to take part and take the first steps then we will never learn to have the courage to join a bigger group. It takes time and strength to learn how to approach and speak to people and so this is a skill that needs to be practiced.
3. Learn to carry a conversation and not fall back on yes or no answers or one word replies. Again this is an essential skill! Children tend to give yes or no answers without elaborating. They need to learn to expand on their answers starting with an extra sentence and then developing their conversation.
4. To practice social manners, saying please and thank you. Also to wait until something is served before starting to eat from it. I remember once we were at a restaurant and my kids were starving and before the waiter had even put down their meals they were taking a chip out of the plate! I had to explain to them that it is not good manners to start eating before everything had been put down, and to wait till everyone is served before they begin.
These are some of the social skills that you can get them started on and I will be adding more as we go along.
Are there any social skills/habits that you taught your kids and found really helpful? Please share in the comments below!
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