What Every Muslim Child Should Know: Part 1

An incident happened two weeks ago (which I won't discuss the details of here) which caused a lot of controversy on social media (as it always does!). What struck me most and what many commented on is that the reason behind the controversy was that many Muslims lacked the basic foundation about Islam and so were arguing and had an opinion about essential aspects of Aqeedah that have been non-negotiable for thousands of years.

One commentator advised that parents have a duty to equip their children with this foundational knowledge of Islam and recommended a book in Arabic titled 'What Muslim Children Cannot Be Ignorant Of.' The book is structured in a Q and A style format, but I could not find an English translation so I thought it would be useful to cover the main aspects below. The author advises that children be taught these questions from a young age so that they grow with a strong Iman and do not fall prey to certain issues and arguments that can shake their faith.

Q1: “Who is your Lord?”  

A1: “My Lord is Allah.” 

 

And the proof is: Al-Faatiha, ayat 2: ‘alhamdulillahi Rabbil-Aalameen’ - all the praises are for Allah, Lord of all the worlds.

 

Q2: “What’s your religion?”

A2: “My religion is Islam.”

Q3: “Who is your prophet?”

A3: “My prophet is Muhammad ﷺ.”

 

 

 

 

Q4: What is the statement of tawheed?

A4: The statement of Tawheed is 

la ilaha il-lal-lah

Meaning:

There is absolutely none worthy of worship and there is no true God except Allah and only Allah.

 

Q5: Where is Allah?

 

A5: Allah is above His seven heavens, above His 'Arsh (Throne).

Social Skills: What our kids need to know!

Think of a time when you had a family gathering and you asked your kids to go and say salam to other aunties and uncles, or you were all sat around a table and your kid was asked a question, or think about how they act when there is a conversation with other adults?

If your kids are anything like mine, there will be many times where they awkwardly (if at all) offer salam, answer in a 'yes' or 'no answer, or stay completely quiet throughout the adult conversation and not attempt to share their thoughts or join the conversation.

Social skills is part of what Daniel Goleman calls 'Emotional Intelligence' and is a skill that needs to be nurtured and developed in our kids. Goleman actually argues that social and emotional learning can help kids become better at self awareness, self management, empathy and social skills. In a study of 270,000 students found SEL lowers antisocial problems like fights and bullying by 10%, increases prosocial attitudes–such as liking school–by 10%, and boosts academic achievement scores by 11%. 

On the other hand, Goleman gives an example of a boy called Cecil who lacked even the basic social skills and who was not able to have even a basic conversation with his peers. He felt that anything that he would say would not be of interest to anyone and was not able to interpret other people's emotions.

Goleman explains that Cecil's problems are a result of a failure to learn in childhood the basic elements of social interaction. These basic elements include the following:

1. To speak directly to others when spoken to. Pay special attention to this one because often as parents we tend to respond for our kids. When someone asks your child a question, give them the time to respond and resist the urge to answer for them.

2. Teach them to initiate social contact and not always wait for others to take the lead. Think of the many times they hung back when they saw a group of kids playing and felt that they couldn’t be part of the group and didn’t make the effort to join in. The feeling of being afraid to join is natural because we all fear rejection. However if we don’t try and make an effort to take part and take the first steps then we will never learn to have the courage to join a bigger group. It takes time and strength to learn how to approach and speak to people and so this is a skill that needs to be practiced.

3. Learn to carry a conversation and not fall back on yes or no answers or one word replies.  Again this is an essential skill! Children tend to give yes or no answers without elaborating. They need to learn to expand on their answers starting with an extra sentence and then developing their conversation.

4. To practice social manners, saying please and thank you. Also to wait until something is served before starting to eat from it. I remember once we were at a restaurant and my kids were starving and before the waiter had even put down their meals they were taking a chip out of the plate! I had to explain to them that it is not good manners to start eating before everything had been put down, and to wait till everyone is served before they begin.

These are some of the social skills that you can get them started on and I will be adding more as we go along.

Are there any social skills/habits that you taught your kids and found really helpful? Please share in the comments below!

Names of Allah for Kids: Al Wadood

Al Wadood: The Most Loving, The Most Affectionate

An Islamic scholar called Younes Al Sadafy, tells a story of Al Imam Al Shafei, one of the greatest scholars of Islam who lived in the first century. Younes was the Imam’s student and friend.

One day, Younes and the Imam had a debate about something they were studying. They had different opinions and their discussion did not lead anywhere, and Younes left afterwards looking upset. Later, he said, the Imam approached him and, addressing him by his nickname, kindly said, “Don’t you think we can have a difference in opinion and still be brothers?”, i.e. friends and companions. 

What qualities did Al Shafei show in this incident? Let us count together.

1. Humility; despite being the teacher, he accepted the fact that his student could have a different opinion about the matter.

2. Mercy; for he did not bear the thought of upsetting a friend or a student.

3. Affection (Mawadda in Arabic); which he showed by proactively going to his friend, calling him by his nickname and kindly asking him to put aside their differences and stay friends and brothers.

This third quality is what we want to discuss in this article. 

Allah’s name: Al Wadood.

If you look at translations online, you will find many that say: Al Wadood = The Most Loving. True, Allah is the Most Loving, but the more accurate meaning here is the Most Affectionate. 

But what is the difference between love and affection? 

Love is what you feel inside your heart for someone (or even something). 

Affection is the behavior that shows this love.

So how does God show His love? 

1. Allah shows his love for people through the countless gifts He bestows upon us. Starting with our existence, our senses, our houses, families, and all material things, all the way to our ability to think, choose, read and learn; as well as love, laugh, cry, and enjoy the world around us. 

2. Allah is also affectionate in his forgiveness of our mistakes. He tells us many times in the Quran that He can forgive anything we do, if we just go back to him in regret and truthfully ask for forgiveness, not to mention His mercy on all His creatures. 

[The two times Al Wadood was mentioned in the Quran, it came along with Al Ghafour (the forgiver), or Al Raheem (the Merciful)]. 

3. Allah shows us His love through answering our prayers, even if His answer is not exactly what we wanted, He always grants us what we need, and what is best for us. 

4. In Surat Maryam, Ayah 96, Allah says: “Indeed, those who believe and do righteous deeds, the Most Merciful will bestow upon them affection/love”. 

What’s meant here, is not only Allah’s affection mentioned above, but also love and affection from people around us. “Putting love in the hearts of people for us” is another way God shows us how much He loves us. It is when people love (and help and support you) wherever you go, and without much effort from your side that you know this is Allah’s doing.

Well then, is it possible that we, humble humans, can show affection for Allah The Almighty? 

The answer is yes... 

By getting to know Allah, read about Allah, remember all His gifts to you. 

By remembering Allah in everything you do, and doing as Allah asks us.

By talking to people and reminding them of who Allah is, what His qualities are, and that He is capable of anything & everything. 

That is simply how us humble humans can love Allah. 

How else can we live by Allah’s name Al Wadood? 

Allah has given us some of His qualities to live by, and one of them is Affection; not just towards Him, but towards one another.

Our prophet Mohammed (PBUH) shares with us three simple deeds to show affection to any person we love:

1. To start the greeting when you meet them

2. To make room for them to sit next to you/near you

3. To call them by names/nicknames that they prefer

Those might sound like symbolic gestures, but they do make the other person feel loved. We could think of so many different ways to show love to someone, be it a friend, a sibling, or a parent/teacher. For example; 

4. Calling them on the phone just to check on them

5. Mentioning a great quality they have or something nice they have done and thanking them for it

6. Complimenting them (with honesty)

7. Remembering something they like and bringing it for them

Control Your Thoughts, Control Your Actions

Quarantine may be the biggest blessing in disguise! All the time we are spending at home has helped us discover a lot of great things, but has also brought to light some not too great things (which is not necessarily bad!). 

To an extent, it is relatively easy to teach kids what they need to do like prayers, fasting and so on but what is really difficult is tazkiya or purifying their characters. How do you teach them to control their anger? How do you teach them to become more thoughtful of others? How do you teach them to give others the benefit of the doubt? A lot of parenting experts and books will tell you that there is nothing better than being a role model and so on. I believe though that that it is not enough, and with some children you may need to put more effort than others.

I came across a great book called 'Mind over Mood' which explains how our thoughts influence our behaviors, and that sometimes we are not aware of how these thoughts are affecting our behaviour. Knowing that our thoughts help define the moods that we experience, and that our thoughts influence how we behave and what we choose to do can really help us in controlling our actions and changing our behaviour. This can help us to teach our kids to control their anger or frustrations or fighting with a sibling.

How does this work?

I told my daughter to think of this example to help her become less irritated from her younger sister.

Your younger sister has just stepped on your toes, how would you behave if you had thought 1 and how would you behave if you had thought 2?

Thought 1: She stepped on my toes on purpose, she's always doing that, she's so annoying!

Thought 2: She didn't see me and stepped on my toes by accident. I know she didn't mean it.

As you can see with thought 1, you are more likely to get angry, maybe shout and feel frustrated.

With thought 2, you will be more understanding, less frustrated and willing to forgive. Yu can train yourself to become kinder, control your temper by changing your thoughts!

The prophet SAWS taught us this and told us to have hosn Al than with people. The attitude of the Muslim is to think good about everyone. When someone speaks badly about someone you know, and you did not witness what this person is saying, you you need to still think good about your friend. 

What other ways have you found useful to help kids develop good habits?

Names of Allah for Kids: Al Wahid, Al Ahad

Al Wahid, Al Ahad

When you read stories of Allah’s prophets and messengers in the Quran, you find that there is one common message they were all teaching their people, that there is only ONE God to be worshipped, and that is Allah. It is no different with our prophet Mohamed (PBUH). The first thing he taught people who believed him was that there is no God but Allah. 

This message is the base upon which Islam is built. We worship Allah, and no one but Allah. If we take a look at the names of Allah we will find not one, but two names that show us this crucial pillar of Islam and Iman (faith).

The first is: Al Wahid - The One. 

Despite its seemingly simple meaning, and that we use the word “the one” in other contexts; when Allah calls Himself the one, it means He is the only one. There is no one but Him. 

Allah has no sons, no daughters, no siblings, no parents, no partners, and no rivals. Allah is the source of all creation, He is the only one who can create things out of nothing, human beings of mud, and everything in the universe returns back to Him in the end.

The second is: Al Ahad: The Unique, The Only One.

This name is only used for Allah, there is no other use for it, as the name itself is unique to Him. Translation does not do it justice, however, so let’s take a deeper look into its meaning.

When we talked about Al Wahid, we said there is no one but Allah, in his essence, in His existence. Al Ahad, on the other hand, means there is no one like Allah, in his attributes, in his qualities. 

If you take a quick look at the 99 names of Allah, you will notice that they all describe Allah, tell us what He is like. The fact that they all have “Al” before them, shows us that He is the source of these qualities. 

Yes, Allah gives us human beings some of His attributes to live by, but no one comes near to having as many qualities as He does, or as much of one quality as He has.

For example: He is Al Kareem (The Most Generous). You will find many people who are generous, but are they as Generous as Allah? Not even close, we only try to be as generous as we can. 

So to sum it up;

Al Wahid: The Only One, there is no one but Him.

Al Ahad: The Only One, there is no one like Him.

How can we live by those two names? 

Al Wahid: 

• Remind yourself to only ask Allah for anything you want. Make duaa (pray) only for Allah when you need anything, from the simplest smallest request to the most important one. 

• Whenever you’re in trouble, seek help first and foremost from Allah, He will guide you towards how to fix your problem, even if through help from another person. 

• Don’t be afraid of anyone but Allah. No teacher, parent, coach or even friend should get as much respect, fear or even love from you as Allah.

• When something/someone becomes way too important for you that you feel lost without; remind yourself that only Allah is worthy of this kind of “worship”, and try to let go of your holding onto this thing/that person.

Al Ahad: 

• Study the different qualities of God through his names, and write them down in a place you can see. Pick a new name every week or two, and try to reflect this name in everything you do. For example, “This week I will be more merciful with everyone I deal with, and every animal and every plant I come across”. 

• Be more forgiving of people who are not as merciful, as generous, or as appreciative as you would like them to be. Nobody is perfect but Allah, nobody has all the good qualities, and nobody shows their best qualities all the time. Accept people’s imperfections and love them the way they are.

Five Ideas for Fun Ramadan Activities for kids!

It's the first day of Rmadan!

Elhamdulilah that Allah has given us this great opportunity for doing good and getting multiplied thawab for it.

Here are some ideas for Ramadan activities that you can do as a family!

1. Quran and Ramadan Did You Knows!

It’s important to let your children know the importance of the Quran and the relationship it shares with the Quran:

Did you know:

-       The Quran descended from Allah to the Prophet Muhammad SAWS during the month of Ramadan

-       The order/prescription of Fasting Ramadan came from the Quran (Surah al-Baqarah: 183-185)

-       There is an entire surah dedicated to the MOST important night in Ramadan – which is it? Surat Al Qadr.

-       The Angel Gibrael used to revise the Quran with Prophet Muhammad SAWS every Ramadan as per the hadeeth:

Abu Huraira reported: The Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, would review the Quran once every year in Ramadan and he reviewed it twice in the year he passed away. The Prophet would seek spiritual retreat in the mosque for ten days every year and he secluded himself for twenty days in the year he passed away. Ṣaḥīḥ al-Bukhārī 4712

2. Make a Thikr chart

Outline 3 to 5 thikrs (or more if you can) for the children to repeat every day at a regular time – consistency is key. Teach kids to work smarter with thikr. Read this post here: 

 http://themuslimchild.blogspot.com/search/label/Thikr

3. Make a good manners reward scheme

As fasting is not only abstaining from food and water, but it is also ensuring that our tongues fast from bad words and that our actions are good and pure. Create a reward chart where points can be gained – points translate in to rewards and that can each family can determine its own rewards.

Manners to add to your chart:

-       Being honest

-       Being generous or kind to siblings

-       Complete a chore or job without being asked

-       Give a compliment to someone

-       Reminding the family to pray

4. Make a gratitude collage

I love this one! If you're feeling crafty, make a gratitude collage with your children. Grab some crayons, paper, glue, photos and magazine cut outs and have your children arrange items on a piece of paper. Talk about what items they chose and why they are grateful for them.

Another fun idea is to give your children a camera and have them take photos of everything they are thankful for. You can post the images in an online photo album or even create a gratitude photo book using their shots!

5. Make a charity box reminder!

Following on from the gratitude activity, getting children to understand that charity is so important and how it is even more important in Ramadan is ideal. Making a charity box with the children where you put 10 to 20 (or 30 if you’re brave) charity ideas and make sure you pick one and do it every day of Ramadan. Some charity ideas:

-       Feed people in Ramadan

-       Donate clothes

-       Smile to everyone you see

-       Sponsor a child or donate to an orphanage

-       Charity through water

-       Do something for an elderly person/neighbor

-       Partake in building a mosque

-       Teach a friend or family member younger than you something about Islam

Let me know what other great ideas do you do as a family in Ramadan!

Is it too late to learn the Quran? This 73 year old woman has just done it!

I saw this beautiful post on facebook of a lovely woman who is 73 years old and has just finished learning the Quran. Her story really moved me and I wanted to share her journey. She describes her learning journey and persistence and one thing that struck me was that she would repeat an Ayah from 100 to 150 times to memorize it!

She says: When outside I would have my small Quran with me to memorize. It never left me.

You can read her full story here:
https://m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=10157303503252894&id=686077893

May we never leave the Quran and always read it, understand it and teach it.